Pappa wants mamma naked
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
