I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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