remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
