Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
