my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
