Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
