yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
