i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
