She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
