Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
