Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
