We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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