the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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