everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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