you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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