This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
