News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize