I got chris browned last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
