every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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