As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
