I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
