After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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