Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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