Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
