I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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