she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
