Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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