I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
