Pants 0. Shit 1.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
