he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
wow bdsm is so cute
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize