I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
