I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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