Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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