I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
