you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
