Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
