Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
