i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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