:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize