He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
