I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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