At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
