i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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