I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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