There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
