Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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