yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
