So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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