Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
