hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize