took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
