I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
