Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
