Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
