I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
