woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
