Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
