just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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