The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize