Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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