I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
