I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
