dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
