Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
