I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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