She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
