No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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