My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
