You can't motorboat a personality
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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