He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
