at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
