garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
