You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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