So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
