Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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