Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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