some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a beard to bite.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
