my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
