So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He felt like a one man threesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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