This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
