at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
