I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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