I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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