I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
