If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
