My Higher Power is John Stamos
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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