When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize