we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
