Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
