Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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