I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
