just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
