I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
