He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
