it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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