You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
