i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish there were birth control emojis
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
