Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
