So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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