I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
